We Were Just Kids
by NerdGirl95
Summary: They may have returned for their final year, but the war has taken its toll on them all. Written for QLFC Season 6 Round 1.


**Written for QLFC Season 6, Round 1.**

 **Chaser 1: Write a genre you haven't written before - Drama**

 **Additional prompts: Homemade; Knife; "It's like the blind leading the blind."**

 _Pain. It was all pain. She had long ceased to feel anything else; even the floor had disappeared. All she was aware of was the fire in her blood, and twists in her muscles and sandpaper in her throat. A sudden flash of silver, and now her arm was screaming too, weeping from the pain. It would never end._

Hermione woke with a gasp, catapulting upright. A dream, it was just a dream.

But, of course, it wasn't, because the words were still etched in her arm, and she went back to that house every night, and she still couldn't look at a knife without wanting to scream.

 _Screams, each louder than the last. She had to get in there, had to get him out. What was one more curse, one more scar, one more death to add to her list? "Run!" She tried to yell, but she couldn't. Couldn't do anything, as the pain and fear engulfed her once more._

Ginny remembered leaving the Common Room, but how she got here was beyond her. Curled in a corner, trying to stop the waves of memories crashing over her, she cried. But she knew where she was. She always ended up here, every day. Because the room where you were tortured by your Professors doesn't just disappear.

 _Running, running, trying to stop them from messing up the plan. He had to do it right this time, he was out of chances. Had been out of chances long ago. A sudden rush of heat, the roar of flames. This is it; it will finally end. Maybe now I'll be free, except, of course, he wasn't. He'd never be free._

Draco felt the stares. Knew that every single member of the school didn't want him there. But he didn't care. At least here he could escape. Could ignore the letters. Here he didn't have to see the disappointed looks or hear his Father's drunken rants about how it was all his fault the Dark Lord had fallen. At least here he could pretend to be free.

 _She could smell the raw meat on his breath, could practically taste it as he stalked her. She knew she couldn't evade him forever, knew there would be a wall or a ledge. But maybe if she kept going long enough, someone would save her. Someone had to save her. I should never have gone off on my own. It was her last thought before he caught her._

If she held onto Parvati's hand tight enough, she could forget she had ever been alone. He could face the stares, forget the scars criss crossing her face. But if she let go, even for just a second, she'd be all alone. Lost in a big, scary world. And he'd find her again.

 _I have to find Lavender, have to find Lavender. I should never have let her go by herself. I have to find Lavender. It was the only thought going through her mind until she was suddenly grabbed from behind. She didn't even have time to scream for help before she was screaming from pain. Or at least, trying to scream, as her throat was raw with pain and allowing no sound to emerge._

If she holds onto Lavender's hand as tight as possible, she could forget he had ever found her. Forget the whispered "this one's homemade, I hope you like it," as his wand pushed into her throat. But if she let go, even for just a second, it all came flooding back. The terror as she tried to find her friend, the pain in her neck. The knowledge that she would never speak again.

 _Lost, is lost an emotion? Because that's how he feels. Lost, directionless, like a boat out of sight of land. He can smell the smoke, the reek of hundreds of years' worth of artefacts and treasures going up in flames. He turns to Crabbe, to laugh about the prank they pulled on Potter, to ask where Draco is, so they can get their next instruction. But he isn't there. All he is left with is the smoke._

Lost. Six months on and he still has no direction. "The blind leading the blind." That's what the adults used to say about them. But now Crabbe is gone, and he is all alone, and he's just a blind man trying to find his way through this new world.

And now he's being asked to share his feelings. To talk about the war, what it did to him. But Draco won't tell him what to say, and Crabbe isn't there with any ideas. And the counselor says to just say what's on his mind, so he does.

"The war robbed me of myself. Draco and his father robbed me of myself. I don't know who I am, apart from his lacky. And, he got my best friend killed, yet he doesn't seem sorry."

And somehow his words started the big screaming match. Others yelling at Draco, accusing him of ruining their lives, ruining their families. And Draco just sits there, taking it all in. Not saying anything. And for the first time since the end of the war, he feels something other than lost. He feels angry, a burning anger. Because this boy and his family ruined everything, and he won't fight back. And before he knows it his fist is in Malfoy's face, and he's screaming at him.

"Fight back, fight back. Don't you care what they are saying, fight back."

And suddenly Draco is. He's punching and hitting, and when Goyle is on the ground, cradling a wrist that is probably broken, Draco sinks down next to him and starts sobbing. Incoherent at first, but then words begin to fall from his lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm so bloody sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen, I promise. I was just a kid; I didn't want to fight in a war. But it was fight or die, don't you understand?! My father never loved me; he just wanted an heir to continue the family line, including continuing to follow the Dark Lord, doing his bidding. He didn't want a son; he wanted a trophy and a slave. And I tried to fight it, I did. But you don't know what it's like, to live in a house full of Death Eaters. And maybe I should have let them kill me because at least I wouldn't have to see your faces every day, hating me for something I didn't want to do."

And before anyone really knows what's going on, the whole class is sobbing, and hugging, and spilling their darkest fears and secrets. And that's where they learn that Lavender's scars are from Greyback and that she sees him in every shadow. That Parvati can't talk, will never talk, because of an unknown curse from one of the Lestrange brothers. That Ginny has daily panic attacks, reliving her 6th year at Hogwarts. That Hermione has a phobia of knives due to Bellatrix. And that Goyle didn't know how to be just Goyle, a part of what Crabbe-and-Goyle used to be.

But, things didn't change overnight. But they left that year stronger, and closer. And, no, the Gryffindors didn't go out of their way to be friendly to the Slytherins. Just as the Slytherins didn't try to make friends with Hufflepuffs. But when they passed in the hall, there was understanding in their eyes. And sometimes, that was all they needed.


End file.
